Letting go and growing up

This morning, my wife left for the Dominican Republic with a friend of ours who was looking for a traveling companion for March break.  The arising and unfolding of this vacation was an incredibly rich opportunity for practice.

My wife is amazing.  She has always been very supportive of my efforts in Aikido, Zen and other things.  She has made it possible for me to go to retreats, seminars, and weekly training.  We have always approached our relationship in terms of doing whatever is needed to help the other grow and be fulfilled.  She definitely needed and deserved this vacation.

However, I stumbled out of the starting blocks in the supportive husband category on this one.  It was very comical, juvenile stuff.  I have never been anywhere warm for March break.  I have never been to the Dominican.  She was taking her first "sit around and do nothing" vacation of her adult life and was doing it without me.  I encountered a very old, familiar, small me in these moments.  I reacted poorly enough that I actually made her feel bad about the vacation.  I pouted.  I needed to meet this moment better;  for me, for her, for everyone.

I recently listened to a podcast by Ryudo Rinsen Osho (and if you did not find this via the Toledo Zen Center, please check out the link to the Drinking Gourd Podcasts at the bottom of this post, or search for them on iTunes).  In this particular talk Rinsen Osho made a point about equating.  For one thing to equal another thing, there must be two things, and thus separation.  In this event, I had looked at my wife and our relationship in terms of equality.  Now, in general equality is a good thing.  Moving towards equality from a state of inequality has helped many aspects of our society improve over the last few hundred years.  However, in the practice of my marriage, I see that this is not going to cut it.

In the vows I took so many years ago, I joined with my wife.  In an age where promises are broken, contracts ripped in two and marriages torn asunder, we have never doubted that our union was permanent and that our lives were a loving, working relationship.  In this, we have been extremely blessed.  Although we are very different people, working and living for the benefit of both as one and one as both has been our greatest strength.

In the end, I got my feet back underneath me and found the joy in sending her on this wonderful experience with our good friend.  Now, if I can just get caught up on laundry while she is gone, she is REALLY going to feel the love.