The Texture of Life

It seems that through most of my life I have looked at this existence as a journey of joy and "meh".  The tragedies that came along, though not really avoidable we things that derailed that path.  They brought sadness and gloom, and generally made life feel like it had slowed down or stopped for a time.

I imagine that it would be just as easy to see life as a journey of pain and disappointment, from which joyful moments occasionally provide distraction.  This sounds like the outlook of the pessimist, or the clinically depressed.  The problem I find with these models, is that they both focus intently on one aspect of life, while pushing away the other as though it was extra, or flawed.

 But what about a perspective or sense of a life that does not see these things as "other"?

The pattern of unhappy events is not constant, and it seems to be on the up-swing lately in my life.  Friends have died of cancer and of their own hand.  Some young children I know have been very ill.  Divorce and separation have shook the lives of people I care for in just about any direction I look.  Family members are confronted with the limitations of diseases and conditions that will end their lives sooner than expected.

In all of this I can feel different conditioned responses vying for my attention.

Life sucks dude.  The only things you can rely on are death and taxes


or

you just have keep your chin up and look at the silver lining.


These reactions fit the world very well.  Just about anyone I might turn to in these moments would offer me some version of this.  But what if there was a different way to see?

What if a heart could be so big as to hold the moment in which I read to my daughter before bed AND the sorrow I feel at the loss my friends Keith and Dale?

What would it be like to have an awareness that could perceive the suffering, joy, and "meh" of each moment, meeting it fully, accepting it all, turning away from nothing?

I still must be very mindful to avoid letting the condition responses rule the day.  However, when I approach this seeing, I am struck dumb by the fullness of life's texture and the magnitude of it's beauty.