sigh...... I should post here more often.
Right now.
Right now I am in the middle of a semester at work that has been particularly challenging. There is poison and it is hard to deal with
Enmei is having her own challenges in returning to the classroom, and sometimes we have felt too down to be the rock for the other. So we have held each other, both of us down, and held on.
We are on the verge of a move that has left the house 3/4 packed and with a feeling like someone has pushed a pause button on much of the activity of my life.
Yet, everything seems to be both going fast and standing still.
Enmei has just left for a three day workshop and the house seems very empty despite the activity of a teenager, her little sister an their father.
There is great activity, but there is great emptiness.
There is great activity, yet there is great silence.
It is thus, at least for now, but it is changing.
One of my working edges right now is a refocussing on my center. Working to not be swayed by internal and external environments.
Working in this way with external environment is fair;y obvious as a process. Even when I see myself affected by it, playing into the drama, I still know I am not these things that happen to me.
The internal environment is more difficult to work with. I can say "I am not my thoughts" but when the anger or the sadness arises, it is more difficult to see them as something other than myself.
And so I practice.
And so I return to the center.
And so I remember to not confuse the sky with the weather.
And so I continue to work with the one point and the sky in this midst of activity and stillness. In chaos and silence,
