Right now it seems like something really big is going on. The Covid-19 virus is making a lot of people sick and a lot of people are dying. but there is something closer than the foreground of that image. Right now, in so many ways, I don't know what is going to happen.
I don't know what is going to happen to the people I love,
I don't know what is going to happen to the classes I am trying to teach,
I don't know when I am going to visit friends
I don't know what the impact of this is going to be on my job, my kids, the economy, etc.
This "I don't know" is something different from the actual virus. It is something different than my job or the stresses of social distancing. It is like the smudges on your glasses that you can easily forget are there.
Most of my day I have a sense of of what is going to happen next. I'll shower, make breakfast, do some work, meditate, hang out with the family. But that sense of knowing what is coming next really is an illusion. This illusion is common among people. I find that the truth is I don't know what is going to happen next. There are few forces that will disrupt my routine, but countless things that I have no control over can derail my plans.
A heart attack, a bout of depression, a broken toilet, an upset child, a forgotten deadline or even just a better plan.
I draw a sense of stability from knowing what is happening and knowing what is coming most of the time. However, right now, everywhere in the world, all at once, every one of us doesn't know. That doesn't feel pleasant, especially in the midst of a disease that is causing so much direct and indirect suffering.
A lot of people are dealing with "not knowing" fairly gracefully. Others are not. Sometimes I am, sometimes I am not. For me, being at home and working from home pushes hard against my edges.
Part of not knowing is realizing that I don't have the answers, but I will share what I am doing in these times.
Being a school teacher, I have a certain amount of experience dealing with large blocks of unstructured time, though I still need to work from home and do what I can to help the people in my life.
I keep regular hours during my workweek. I get up between 6 and 7, shower, dress for a regular day, have breakfast with Julie and look at my schedule for the day. With Ontario schools closed, we developing how to support the kids from home. As a special needs teacher, this is pretty complicated, but everyone is working on it.
I am really restricting my media intake. What I need to know about Covid-19, I get from the CBC, the CDC, the WHO and a website which compiles official statistics: www.ncov2019.live
I am making a point of getting outside each day. A bike ride, a walk in the neighbourhood, throwing frisbees around the park.
I meditate, pray and chant everyday. These are very specific tools to help me do 2 things. First, they help keep me from automatically grasping on to the panic that social media and my own mind try to put in my way. Second, they help me keep my my mind oriented towards kindness. When I don't know, I find that leading with compassion is good for my spiritual and physical heart (plus it doesn't throw gas on the fire).
I am cleaning the garage. This is a big one for me, especially after a winter. I'd share a picture, but the drastic contrast would escape most everyone. My father-in-law has seen that horrible pit and would likely be impressed with its current state.
Finally, I am trying to find ways to stay connected with people in my life. I find that what is coming from people who are sharing their direct experiences on social media to be very positive and supportive, (better than a lot of the stuff that is reshared). I am playing games online with strangers and with friends. I am also participating in livestreams with my Sangha in Toledo. "Sangha" is a Buddhist term that basically means community. I very grateful for this community in particular. There is nothing quite like trying to navigate these troubling times with a bunch of people who have vowed to encounter the moment with wisdom and compassion.
I don't know how this will all turn out or when things will improve. But here is what I do know: if I lead with kindness and compassion for myself and others, I will be doing the best I can for myself and others.
May we all be safe.
May we all be healthy.
May we all be happy.
May we all be at ease.
Part of not knowing is realizing that I don't have the answers, but I will share what I am doing in these times.
Being a school teacher, I have a certain amount of experience dealing with large blocks of unstructured time, though I still need to work from home and do what I can to help the people in my life.
I keep regular hours during my workweek. I get up between 6 and 7, shower, dress for a regular day, have breakfast with Julie and look at my schedule for the day. With Ontario schools closed, we developing how to support the kids from home. As a special needs teacher, this is pretty complicated, but everyone is working on it.
I am really restricting my media intake. What I need to know about Covid-19, I get from the CBC, the CDC, the WHO and a website which compiles official statistics: www.ncov2019.live
I am making a point of getting outside each day. A bike ride, a walk in the neighbourhood, throwing frisbees around the park.
I meditate, pray and chant everyday. These are very specific tools to help me do 2 things. First, they help keep me from automatically grasping on to the panic that social media and my own mind try to put in my way. Second, they help me keep my my mind oriented towards kindness. When I don't know, I find that leading with compassion is good for my spiritual and physical heart (plus it doesn't throw gas on the fire).
I am cleaning the garage. This is a big one for me, especially after a winter. I'd share a picture, but the drastic contrast would escape most everyone. My father-in-law has seen that horrible pit and would likely be impressed with its current state.
Finally, I am trying to find ways to stay connected with people in my life. I find that what is coming from people who are sharing their direct experiences on social media to be very positive and supportive, (better than a lot of the stuff that is reshared). I am playing games online with strangers and with friends. I am also participating in livestreams with my Sangha in Toledo. "Sangha" is a Buddhist term that basically means community. I very grateful for this community in particular. There is nothing quite like trying to navigate these troubling times with a bunch of people who have vowed to encounter the moment with wisdom and compassion.
I don't know how this will all turn out or when things will improve. But here is what I do know: if I lead with kindness and compassion for myself and others, I will be doing the best I can for myself and others.
May we all be safe.
May we all be healthy.
May we all be happy.
May we all be at ease.
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