Pain and Suffering

Earlier this week,  I dove to the bottom of a pool to retrieve a stone.  As a result I ended up with water trapped in my ear.  I couldn't get it out and neither could the doctor.  The pressure and pain came on almost immediately.  While the pain was severe, the location of the pain made it omnipresent, but not incapacitating.  I continued to work, care for my kids, play in a staff golf tournament and prep for my daughter to host a sleep over.  All while in unignorable pain.

When we engage our lives as practice, encountering physical pain gives us an opportunity to study the difference between pain and suffering.  And to be clear, there is a difference.

In this case, the pain looks like a throbbing in my left ear that amplifies my tinnitus tenfold and lets me hear my heartbeat in the painful throb.

The suffering might look like this:  

1.  "uuuuuuunnnnnngggghhh when is it going to stop? uuuuunnnggh?" (as a continual 4 hour thought)
2. the neck and upper back tension unconsciously held to accompany that thought. (so it won't get lonely)
3. "This is Bullshit!  I was just getting over a cold and now it is reasserting itself!"
4. "Damn it!  If I hadn't had that bicep surgery I'd still have sick days and could take time off to deal with this."
5. "This should be a great day!  Instead I have to deal with this crap!"
6. "Ear drops?  You'd think a doctor could just suction it out."

And on and on.  Now, as in zazen,  thoughts are going to arise.  That is not a problem.  But when these thoughts a fed, nurtured and given priority and weight, there is suffering.

When I was young, and long before I encountered Zen and a practice, I used to train in Tae Kwon Do.  I can remember harnessing some kind of Star Trek, Mr. Spock mojo to try and separate myself from my physical pain as though I was observing it from outside.  The pain still hurt just as much, but sometimes it seemed more manageable.  Although it was still there I could work with it, rather than being something that consumed my consciousness.

Today I woke up with less ringing and less throbbing.  For now at least, the big pain is gone.  I offer my practice and intention to those who deal with chronic pain, but more so to those who deal with chronic suffering.